236 Things to Do When You’re Bored

September 21st, 2007

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1. Wax the ceiling.
2. Loosen the lug nuts on your dad’s new car.
3. Drop your cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all four feet.
4. Repeat above until failure.
5. Rearrange political campaign signs.
6. Sharpen your teeth.
7. Play Houdini with one of your siblings.
8. Braid your dogs hair.
9. Clean and polish your belly button.
10. Water your dog…see if he grows.
11. Wash a tree.
12. Knight yourself and some close friends.
13. Found the Jim Jones’ School of Modern Bartending.
14. Flirt with an evergreen.
15. Scare Steven King.
16. Give your cat a mohawk.
17. Purr.
18. Mow your carpet.
19. Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings.)
20. Whine.

21. Dress like your favorite Heavy Metal group…surprise your grandmother.
22. Listen to a painting.
23. Play with matches.
24. Buff your cat.
25. Raise professional racing ferrets.
26. Paint your home…day-glo orange.
27. Read Homer in the original Greek.
28. Learn Greek.
29. Change your mind.
30. Change it back.
31. Watch the sun…see if it moves.
32. Recite romantic poetry…to your toaster.
33. Paint your windows.
34. Paint.
35. Smile.
36. Paint a smile.
37. Shoot at a fire hydrant.
38. Apologize to it.
39. See if you really can build a small nuclear device in your basement.
40. Rotate your garden…daily.
41. Plant a shoe.
42. Write letters to all the political officials that are representing you, and tell them what a good job they are doing…on April 1st.
43. Sweat.
44. Give a Rorschach (Ink-blot) Test to your gerbil.
45. Take apart all your major kitchen appliances.
46. Mix and match the parts.
47. Turn your TV picture tube upside down.
48. Take your sofa for a walk.
49. Write a letter to Plato.
50. Mail it.
51. Start.
52. Stop.
53. Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.
54. Carry a tune.
55. Drop it to see if it breaks.
56. Starch your shoes.
57. Contemplate a cockroach.
58. Get a dog to chase your car.
59. Let him catch it.
60. Form a political party.
61. Throw a political party.
62. Climb a sidewalk.
63. Ride a loaf of bread.
64. Annoy yourself.
65. Get angry with yourself.
66. Stop speaking to yourself.
67. Kiss and make-up.
68. Stand on your head.
69. Stand on someone else’s head.
70. Learn everything there is to know about the Holy Roman Empire.
71. Build a pyramid.
72. Paint your teeth.
73. Wear a salad.
74. Speak with a forked tongue.
75. MAKE a drive in window at your local bank.
76. Walk on water…but DON’T get caught.
77. Shave a shrub.
78. Have a proton fight.
79. Watch a car rust.
80. Quiver.
81. Confess to a crime that you didn’t commit.
82. Learn to type…with your toes.
83. Buy the Brooklyn Bridge.
84. Mail it to a friend.
85. Be in the wrong place at the right time.
86. Be someone special.
87. Plot the overthrow of your local School Board.
88. Request covert assistance from the CIA.
89. Factor your social security number. (Mine has only 3 prime factors)
90. Take the fifth.
91. Take the sixth.
92. Read the 1962 Des Moines White Pages.
93. Join the Foreign Legion.
94. Learn to write Sanskrit.
95. Learn to read Sanskrit.
96. Exist…existentially of course.
97. Search for buried treasure…in Nebraska.
98. Hot wax the bottoms of your brother’s dress shoes.
99. Print counterfeit Confederate money.
100. Kick a cabbage.
101. Take a picture.
102. Put it back.
103. Go back to square one.
104. Sand a mushroom.
105. Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor.
106. Play solitare…for cash.
107. Abuse your patio furniture.
108. Write a book about a previous life.
109. Count to a million…fast.
110. Have your cat bronzed.
111. Make a quilt out of used cocktail napkins.
112. Revert.
113. Sleep on a bed of nails.
114. Don’t toss and turn.
115. Think shallow thoughts.
116. Run around in squares.
117. Boil ice cream.
118. Carve your girl/boyfriends initials…in a marshmallow.
119. Converse…with a flatworm.
120. Speak in acronyms.
121. Drive the speed limit…in your garage.
122. Make a schematic drawing…of a rock.
123. Be a rabid Boxcar Willi fan.
124. Sing the National Anthem…during your calculus final.
125. Pay off the national debt…with a bad check.
126. Calmly have a nervous breakdown.
127. Give your goldfish a perm.
128. Fly a brick.
129. Play tag…on the nearest interstate.
130. Paint stripes on a lake.
131. Ski Kansas.
132. Test thin ice…with a pogo stick.
133. Apply for a Unicorn Hunting License.
134. Defend your neighborhood from roving Mongol hordes.
135. Do a good job.
136. Crawl.
137. Be a side effect.
138. Ride a bicycle…up Mt. McKinley.
139. Play hockey with your little cousin…as the puck.
140. Duck.
141. Redecorate your garage.
142. Develope a complex.
143. Join the Army…be someone simple.
144. Try harder.
145. Hit the deck.
146. Cut the deck.
147. Make a deal with the Devil…keep your fingers crossed.
148. Put legwarmers on all your furniture.
149. Be number six.
150. Sit.
151. Stay.
152. Roll over.
153. Play dead.
154. Scheme.
155. Sprinkle your family room.
156. Cause a power failure.
157. Pour instant concrete in your brothers waterbed.
158. Give a lecture tour on the historical signifigance of cream cheese.
159. Wrigle.
160. Debate politics with a fern.
161. If you lose stop watering it.
162. Donate your brother’s body to science.
163. Join Hell’s Angels by mail.
164. Wonder.
165. Give your cat a suntan…in the microwave.
166. Be a square root.
167. Park your car…with a friend.
168. Park your car…with a group of friends.
169. Ask stupid questions.
170. Spew.
171. Surf Ohio.
172. Go bowling…for small game.
173. Have your first statement of bankruptcy framed.
174. Hang it on the wall in your office.
175. Staple.
176. Solve the population problem. i.e. x + 2y – 16x = population; solve for x.
177. Contribute to the population problem.
178. Interview a cloud.
179. Play tiddly-winks…go for blood.
180. Go to a drive-in movie in a tank.
181. Go to a non-drive-in movie in a tank and drive in anyway.
182. Crumble.
183. Crumple.
184. Translate Shakespeare into English.
185. Send the president an alarm clock…wind it up first.
186. Do aerobics…in your head.
187. Play cards with your swimming pool.
188. Found a cockroach stable and stud farm.
189. Send your goldfish to obedience school.
190. Pinstripe your driveway.
191. Play “Kick the fire-hydrant.”
192. Harness chipmunk power
193. Free the opressed toaster-ovens of America.
194. Free the obsessed toaster-ovens of America.
195. Change your name…daily.
196. Go for a walk…in the attic.
197. Challenge the neighbor kid to duel.
198. Regress.
199. Find out how many ways there really are to skin a cat.
200. Go bow hunting…for Toyotas.
201. Kidnap Cabbage Patch Kids.
202. Boldly go where no man has gone before.
203. Jump back.
204. Play to lose.
205. Scalp a VW.
206. Be a threat to the American way of life.
207. Be a threat to the Northwest Tibetan way of life.
208. Re-establish the Roman Empire…in Toronto.
209. Have your car painted plaid.
210. Found the TLO (Toledo Liberation Organization.)
211. Play nuclear chicken with a small third world nation.
212. Race turnips.
213. Give your grandmother a raise…and another week paid vacation.
214. Sharpen your sleeping skills.
215. Put out a fire.
216. If you can’t find one make one.
217. Ionize your new chemistry professor (remember you found the heat capacity of the first one)
218. Make a lifesized replica of the Statue of Liberty…out of grape jello.
219. Tree a goldfish.
220. Get a college education.
221. Bury your fathers Nissan.
222. Tell him the dog did it.
223. Catch a falling star.
224. Throw it back.
225. Place your cat in hyper-space.
226. Again tell your dad the dog did it.
227. Corner the market on Agnew in ‘76 buttons.
228. Find out where all these cylinders graduated from.
229. Install handicapped access to the your favorite pathetic baseball team’s dugout.
230. Kickstart your TV.
231. Kickstop your TV.
232. Perfect the internal cumbustion telephone.
233. Prove once and for all that a cow can jump over the moon.
234. Complain to God that Jupiter has more moons than we do.
235. Make a list of things to do when bored.
236. Renumber the bored list…