You know you are addicted to coffee if

-You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

-You sleep with your eyes open.

-You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

-The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.

-You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

-You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

-Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

-You chew on other people’s fingernails.

-The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

-You’re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their
margaritas.

-You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

-You can jump-start your car without cables.

-You don’t sweat, you percolate.

-You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.

-You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

-You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

-People get dizzy just watching you.

-Instant coffee takes too long.

-You channel surf faster without a remote.

-You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

-You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

-You short out motion detectors.

-You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.

-Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

-You help your dog chase its tail.

-You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

-Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

-You ski uphill.

-You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

-You answer the door before people knock.

-You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.