10 Things Never to Say to a Taller Woman

August 4th, 2008

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Not everyone may face this problem, but if you are, well, vertically-challenged, you might be constantly faced with the problem of the right strategy when approaching that tall-leggy and beautiful chick across the bar. Writer Laura Gilbert asked a WNBA team’s worth of willowy women what clichéd lines turn them off most, which I thought was both funny and noteworthy enough to warrant a blog post here.

10. “You must be a model!” (This line shows that you’re not trying very hard, even if you clarify up front that you’re only asking because she’s really rilly pretty.)

9. “You can’t be 5′ 10″. I’m 5′10″!” (It’s one thing to lie about your height while you’re sitting down or on an Internet profile. When you say this to someone who has to lean down to hear it, you’re busted.)

8. “Is it hard for you to meet people taller than you?” (If she has to explain the bell curve to you, you might not be an intellectual match.)

7. “Now there’s a tree I’d like to climb.” (Yummeh.)

6. “How do you kiss?” ( Or the skin-crawling subset: “Wow, I feel like I’m the girl!” You do realize that kissing doesn’t require her to use her legs, right?)

Read the top five things you shouldn’t say (after the jump).

5. “I could eat my way to the top.” (Stop. Just stop.)

4. “How tall are you, anyway?” (Think about it: Whatever she answers won’t make much difference, except that you’ll look sorta insecure for having asked. Use some deductive reasoning and you should be able to guess within an inch or two.)

3. “How do you wear heels?” (Like everyone else: one foot at a time. She looks even better when she does it, shortstack.)

2. “It won’t matter much when we’re lying down.” (Only a fool would invite commentary on the inches that do make a difference during horizontal integration.)

1. “Do you play basketball?” (People don’t ask “Do you play professional baseball?” just because you’re paunchy and chew tobacco. Pay it forward by giving tall women the same courtesy.)