1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up, put it down.
3. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect gift yet again!
5. If you ask a question you don’t want the answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
6. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
8. Sunday=Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
9. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
10. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
11. You have enough clothes.
12. You have too many shoes.
13. Crying is blackmail.
14. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
15. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
16. No we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
17. Yes, peeing standing up is harder. We are bound to miss sometimes.
18. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress.
19. Yes and no are perfectly good answers to almost every question.
20. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That is what we do. Sympathy is what girlfriends are for.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. Go see a doctor.
22. Foreign films are for foreigners.
23. Check your oil.
24. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.
25. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
26. No, it does not matter which quiz.
27. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
28. If you won’t dress up like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
29. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you angry or sad, we meant the other.
30. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway. It is genetic.
31. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
32. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the commercials.
34. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, neither do we.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. More women should were Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.
37. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
38. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.
39. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
40. If it itches, it will be scratched.
41. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
42. If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet/attic/basement.
43. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
44. If we ask what is wrong and you say, “Nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
45. If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her together.
46. What the hell is a doily?
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I may be a woman, but, yes, I did know all those! My husband has taught me well in 13 years!
[...] 19. If we ask what is wrong and you say, “Nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. …. the ful list you can find here [...]
thanks a lot, for making the gals know… if not 90% of the time is consumed in teaching them all these things..
Goa India
Hey we’re not all American slobs. Don’t paint us all with the same brush. Some of us males have what you clearly don’t – intelligence. And by the way this crap has been circulating the net since 1996 – get some new material…Pleeeeeease!
Expansion of 44; “If we ask if something is wrong and you say ‘Nothing,’ then nothing is wrong. You can’ be mad for at us ‘for not helping.’”
Don’t forget to never, ever believe a guy if we say ” no one will ever see this tape” or ” I’ll just keep it for me”
@ Gaz man
“Hey we’re not all American slobs. Don’t paint us all with the same brush. Some of us males have what you clearly don’t – intelligence.”
Funny that you would think that only Americans would agree with this list, but anyways. Have you ever heard of a psychological phenomenon called the Dunning-Kruger effect? Probably not, you seem pretty stupid so I’ll just sum it up for you. Those who know very little think that they know more than they do. Sound familiar? That’s because it’s a perfect description of you. So please crawl back into your hole and don’t comment anymore.
Seriously? As a fellow guy you need to stop dumbing yourself down so much. “I just want beer and boobs, Half the stuff you like to do is stupid, everything I do is always ok.” C’mon man. You can at least try to act more than a stupid stereotype.
American btw.
You wouldn’t know what real men think like do you Lance Bass? Fudgepacker.
Well, that wasn’t funny, or remotely true. If your relationship is like that, I can see you’re a real ‘charmer’.
Try harder next time.
As fun as it is so true.
For most of the cases, at least
Ready that made me wonder… is all that stuff really true??
Or did they just get a whole bunch of nut-heads to say stuff they
like about women? And stuff they dont like?? (O___O)