You Know You’re Getting Older When…

You and your teeth don’t sleep together.

Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.

At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.

Your back goes out, but you stay home.

You wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

Happy hour is a nap.

You’re on vacation, and your energy runs out before your money does.

You say something to your kids that your mother said to you, and you always hated it.

You look for your glasses for half an hour, and they were on your head the whole time.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

All you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.

You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.

You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care