There Are Two Things In This Life That Are Certain. Someday We Will Die And Somewhere There Is A Toilet Seat Left Up.

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This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America’s supply of convenience store managers.

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Judge: You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your fourth-story window.

Defendant: I did it without thinking, your Honor.

Judge: That’s no excuse! Don’t you see how dangerous it might have been for anyone passing at the time?

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Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library?
Both the books got burned, and one hadn’t even been colored in yet.

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I was scared at first. It was very wide, and very long, and it angled straight up. I decided I had to try it once. I slowly and carefully eased myself onto it. It felt weird at first. Then I got used to it. I went up and down, and up and down on it. I was really loving it.

*Now I ride on escalators all the time.*

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According to a new study, 63% of men surveyed said they like to settle an argument by having sex.
The other 37% of the men said they would never want to get into an argument with those men.