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Maximizing Company Efficiency – New Restroom Trip Policy

September 22nd, 2008

Find that your employees are slacking off at work? Not fully utilizing their office hours? Spending too much time in the restroom and toilet chats? Try this new policy that is guaranteed to return those lost hours to your company!

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee’s restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.

Under the policy a “Restroom Trip Bank” will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer- linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of the month each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Human Resources Department. The voice print recognition station will be operational but not restrictive during the entire month. Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.

If the employee’s Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restrooms will not unlock for that employee’s voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty-seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located in the Employee Relations Office. Anyone’s picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor. But make sure you check with the ‘Supervisor Questions Policy first’.

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Filed under: Stories and Jokes
  • Tags: office , policy , restroom , toilet |
  • 2 Comments |
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2 Responses to “Maximizing Company Efficiency – New Restroom Trip Policy”

  • Alann Canel Says: September 23rd, 2008 at 2:02 am

    Si esto es cierto, algo anda mal con estas empresas, limitar las funciones biológicas de sus empleado simplemente está mal.

  • TheMike Says: October 7th, 2008 at 6:45 am

    Great policy. Eliminate smoke breaks too and get those asses to work! :) But seriously… if companies want better productivity they should offer profit sharing. Then I’d honestly have no problem with a system like this… I’d want lazy asses gone too.

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