A young man was wandering lost in a forest when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an old Chinese man with a long gray beard.

“I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said. “But on on condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.” The man agreed, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn’t hear, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a not on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”

“Well that’s easy,” he though. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle.”

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope was getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones were better than a castration, he jumped out the window after the boulder. As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that read:

“Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post.”