You can achieve a “runners high” by sitting up.

The sun is too loud.

You are missing several days from this week.

Trees begin to chase you.

You can see individual air molecules vibrating.

You wonder if brewing is *really* a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you’ve said it before.

You can hear mimes.

Things become “very clear.” Everything is “very clear, indeed.”

You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

Your heart beats in 7/8 time.

You and reality file for divorce.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you’ve said it before.

It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.

You can travel without moving.

Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.

You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.

You begin to talk to yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty tiff over it, lose, and refuse to speak to yourself for the next day.