After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too’.
And then the fight started…
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’ ‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’
‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’
And then the fight started…
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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT HAPPY!!!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well then, which one of the Seven Dwarfs are you?’
And then the fight started…
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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’
And then…
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We should go back to the old ways, that would fix this problem.
I was working as a tech when some bodacious wench brought in her computer and said it was making noises. Being somewhat chauvinistic, I thought I would do her a favor and take a peek inside instead of a new incoming ticket for work. Unscrewing the sides and prying the cover off, a brick of dust fell out onto the counter, rolled over the edge and fell to the floor where it went poof into a million particles.
I looked up at the lady, who had stilettos pushed tight over black stockings that traveled all the way up her legs to hide under a thigh-high leather skirt: “Honey, if you would spend as much time blowing this thing out than you do the neighbors, you wouldn’t run into this problem!”
The cops came inside 15 minutes.
Thats what I’m talking about. Pure and simple.