These are apparently real excuse notes written by parents for the teachers. Is it any wonder that our kids seem to be doing worse than the kids from Asia?

* My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

* Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

* Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29,30, 31, 32, and also 33.

* Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

* Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

* John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

* Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

* Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

* Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

* Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

* Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the runs. [words in () s were crossed out.]

* Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

* Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

* Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father s fault.

* I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don t know what size she wears.

* Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

* Sally won t be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

* My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

* Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

* Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

* Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

* Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.