Funny Management Stories

Lesson Number One

A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

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Lesson Number Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t got the energy”. “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull “They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
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Lesson Number Three

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and functions.” The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.” The Hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.” And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. Promptly, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson: You don’t need brains to be a Boss – any asshole will do.

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Lesson Number Four

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped a load of hot, steaming dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of shit, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung. The cat promptly dug the bird out, killed him and ate him.

Management Lesson: Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. Not everyone who pulls you out of shit is your friend. And when you’re warm and happy in your pile of shit, keep your mouth shut!

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2 Responses to Funny Management Stories

  1. Son Of Guest January 21, 2009 at 1:04 pm #

    Dad, you remember uncle Leonard? He bought that Hot Pocket fast food place in Celine, Montana. The store was so small that he could hardly keep inventory let alone accommodate customers. Shipments arrived daily from the Hot Pocket warehouse: Pepperoni, squid, stag beetles, moose turd, quail and meatball. They were quite popular despite the fact that only one could go in through the front doors at a time.
    Well, one day I heard that they had returning couples. Evidently they had a thing for the pepperoni and blue cheese Hot Pockets and had consumed 3 or for of them already in the previous hour. They stood in a line that went around the block and down to the fire hydrant that was now the color of a lemon, and when they finally reached the door, the people behind them began to leave the line. They entered the small restaurant and their digestive systems simultaneously rebelled. The noxious fumes were immediately ignited by the microwaves and the whole building went up in flames.
    They finally called in the National Guard to sort everything else, but uncle Leonard again… or the couple that had the fondness for the pepperoni/blue cheese. I think there is a moral to this story as well, but I can’t think of one yet. I need to take a crap now.

    Squid Napoleon
    Son Of Guest

  2. Guest January 21, 2009 at 1:21 pm #

    Son,

    Those were good times! I understand Uncle Leonard went on to be a fry cook for one of those rich Indian gurus in Washington state. He drives a Rolls now and had a deep fryer installed in the trunk so he can make papadams on the road for the guru. Probably still full of stag beetles and moose turds though.

    Fapping furiously,

    Guest

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