Humor Archive

A Christmas lesson

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said, “Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile

The worm and the hole

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.” The grandfather replies, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to

That’ll teach you

Little Johnny runs down the stairs in tears. His mother asked, “What’s the matter now?” “Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with hammer,” said little Johnny through his tears. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “I know you are upset, but a big boy like you shouldn’t cry at something like

Heaven gets selective

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.” The man said, “Oh, it was

Parents need to communicate

A woman and her son were in the doctors surgery one day when her son leapt out of his chair and shouted: “MOM! I want to go for a piss!”. Embarrassed she quickly took her son to the toilet and helped relieve him. The next day at the supermarket the same thing happened. The boy

The Bible has it all

During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Bible. He confidently stated, “If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Bible.” After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said, “Reverend, I don’t

Skip the final

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an “A” so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and