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Stories and Jokes Archive

How to be annoying online

1. Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) or RTFM (read the fucking manual) to show that they’re “hep” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for

Bush Proposes Sending Transformers to Iraq

Awards $85B Defense Contract to Hasbro Increasingly frustrated by the Iraqi government’s failure to meet a series of defined benchmarks, President George W. Bush today proposed sending a group of giant robots known as the Transformers™ to Iraq. Aides to the president were vague as to when Mr. Bush arrived at his new Transformers™ strategy,

Jokes

JOKES How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path. What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic? Sanka. “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir,” came the reply, “it’s fresh ground.” How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? He looks through a catalog in the plastic surgeon’s office.

Homer Simpson’s Words of Wisdom

Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life’s problems. Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually! Because they’re stupid, that’s why. That’s why everybody does everything! That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college!

Accidental Accident Reports

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping

Darwin Awards

For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards, the awards are given annually (and posthumously) to those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing themselves from it. DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP: #1 – LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to

How to be a Successful Evil Overlord

by Peter Anspach Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I’ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no

Open Letter From a Cop

Ladies and Gentlemen, Allow me to introduced myself. I am a police officer. More importantly to this post, I am a police officer who is sick and damned tired of dealing with certain things on a day to day basis: 1) Contrary to what you might think, I am not an idiot. That ring on

How to write a paper in college/university:

1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer. 2. Log onto MSN and ICQ (be sure to go on away!). Check your email. 3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 4. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some chocolate

Why Geeks and Nerds Are Worth It…

In the wide world of dating, there are many options. Do you go for the flashy guy with the smooth smile, or the dude in the corner typing away on his laptop? The following are reasons why I think my fellow females should pay more attention to the quiet geeks and nerds, and less attention