Billy Bob’s pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine and your brother came in and named them.”

The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother… he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”

“Denise,” says the doctor.

The new mother says, “Wow, that’s a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise.” Then she asks, “What’s the boy’s name?”

“Denephew.”

It was recently discovered by a group of scientists, a way of decoding Babies’ cries. Based on their research, most baby cries mean one of the following 16 things.

1. I have my blankie, you have your caffeine. Enough said.

2. Don’t be jealous, but I think I’m in love with the ceiling fan.

3. I know where the remote control is, but it’ll cost you..

4. To you, it’s just an empty egg carton; to me it’s PlayStation 2.

5.. Actually, I don’t mind sitting in a bathtub that I’ve peed in.

6. Bang a screwdriver slowly and steadily into your gums. That’s what teething feels like.

7. Two words I’d rather not hear from you: rectal thermometer.

8. There’s no point in teaching me to say “mama” or “dada.” My first word is going to be “hat.”
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A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! You need to use ‘Big People ‘ words,’ she was always reminding them.

She asked John what he had done over the weekend. ‘I went to visit my Nana’. No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use ‘Big People’ words!’

She then asked Mitchell what he had done ‘I took a ride on a choo-choo’. She said. ‘No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use ‘Big People’ words’.

She then asked little Alex what he had done? ‘I read a book’ he replied. ‘That’s WONDERFUL!’ the teacher said. ‘What book did you read?’ I love this….. Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said…… ‘Winnie the SHIT.’

10 FUNNY COMMERCIALS – Brings back some great memories doesn’t it?

RIDICULOUS BABY GYMNASTICS – Sorry, no matter how fun it might be for the baby, I would never do these stunts with my kid.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SHOOT A TRANQUILIZER DART TO YOUR ASS