SERIOUS TENNIS COACH – Cute chick hates her tennis coach and she is not afraid to say it on the court.

KIDS DO THE DARNEST THINGS – Kids doing crazy funny stuff.

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It is one of those weekends when Mom is out of town taking care of her parents or for a conference and Dad assures her that he can manage the kids alone.

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CHICK SHOWS TOW TRUCK DRIVER WHO IS BOSS – Wait a minute, could you remind me which is supposed to be the tow truck?

KID LEARNS HIS LESSON – Kid to the father, “I knew that was gonna happen!”.

PIZZA DELIVERY JOKE – Guy decides to order pizza delivery… to a pizza shop. Enough said.

Honestly, I’ve never been a fan of dolls. Some of the dolls I see in toy shops look like they are ready to jump off the shelves at the strike of midnight and grab a kitchen knife for a killing spree. Maybe too much Hollywood movies, but here are some dolls that are seriously creepy or disturbed.

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A little girl asked her Mom, “Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?” Mom replies, “No, because she is in heat.”

“What’s that mean?” asked the child. “Go ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”

The little girl goes to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.”

Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said, “OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.”

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”

The little girl said, “She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, another dog is pushing her home.”

CHILD DISCIPLINE – A mom does what she can to correct her child’s vulgar language when he is playing. But kids will be kids.

SWEDISH ARMY AD – Don’t worry, only 2 out of 3 gets buried… literally.

AWESOME CHRISTMAS LIGHTS - It will be hard for Santa Claus to miss this house!

If only more parents understood the truth of these words of wisdom…

Mothers of teens know why animals eat their young.

Children will soon forget your presents, they will always remember your presence.

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

They say kids brighten the home. That’s because they never turn the damn lights off.

Give your children two things. One is roots, the other, wings.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the drive before it has stopped snowing.
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I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
Why? My daughter asked. ‘Because it’s been on the ground, you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty, and probably has germs,’ I replied.

At t his point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, ‘Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart. I was thinking quickly. ‘All moms know this stuff. It’s on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mom.’

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new
Information.
‘Oh…I get it!’ she beamed, ‘So if you don’t pass the test you have to be the dad.’

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while he asked: ‘Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?’

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she
was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, ‘If you don’t
remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to
six.’

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. ‘I love you so much that when you die I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.’

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’
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An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court of a small, remote village. During the proceedings, custody of the children was the big problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into the world, she should be the one to retain custody of them.

The old mountaineer was also seeking custody of the children. The judge asked for his side of the story.

After a lengthy silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and said, “Judge, when I put a dollar into a coke machine and a coke comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?”

Children at the age of innocence and purity. These photos convey a sense of joy and happiness found with these young ones (& some adults).

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A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, ‘Dark in here.’
The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball.’
Man: ‘That’s nice’
Boy: ‘Want to buy it?’
Man: ‘No, th! anks.’
Boy: ‘My Dad’s outside.’
Man: ‘OK, how much?’
Boy: ‘$250′

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