Ever wondered what the doctor actually means when talking to them. Here is a guide to decoding them:

“This should be taken care of right away.”
I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

“Welllllll, what have we here…?”
He has no idea and is hoping you’ll give him a clue.

“Let me check your medical history.”
I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.

“Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week.”
I’m playing golf this afternoon, and this a waste of time.
–or–
I need the bucks, so I’m charging you for another office visit.

“We have some good news and some bad news.”
The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.

“Let’s see how it develops.” Read the full story »

A British doctor, a German doctor and an American doctor were chatting.

The British doctor said, “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.”

Then the German doctor bragged, “That’s nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.”

The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, “You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and almost immediately afterwards half the country was looking for work.”

A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s –Dress, and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
– Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
Big breaths,” I instructed. Yes, they used to be,” remorsefully replied the patient.
– Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
– Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

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I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
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