* Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers * British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands * Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms * Eye Drops off Shelf * Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead * Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim * Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 * Enraged Cow Injures Farmer [...]

Apparently real headlines printed in the newspapers that can be freaking funny if you weren’t the one writing it! - Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One - Miners Refuse to Work after Death - Include Your Children when Baking Cookies - Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [...]