A young man was wandering lost in a forest when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an old Chinese man with a long gray beard.

“I’m lost,” said the man. “Can you put me up for the night?”

“Certainly,” the Chinese man said. “But on on condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man.” The man agreed, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well, as she couldn’t keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man’s warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old man wouldn’t hear, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a not on it that read:

“Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest.”

“Well that’s easy,” he though. “If that’s the best the old man can do then I don’t have much to worry about.” He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read:
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One day in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

“I don’t know what to do,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got some folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place.

I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.” Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.

In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell. “No, George said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”
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