The Pentagon recently found it had too many officers, and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who retired straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on his body, with the officer getting to select any pair of points he wished.

The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.

The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000.

When the third one, a grizzled old Navy commander, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: “From the tip of my penis to my testicles.”

The pension man suggested that perhaps he might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The commander insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he’d better get the medical officer to do the measuring.

The medical officer attended and asked the commander to drop ‘em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the commander’s penis and began to work back. My God!” he said. “Where are your testicles?”

“In Vietnam,” the commander replied.