I thought that I had a great list previously, but guess human’s ability to be sarcastic knows no bounds and here are more great and caustic one-liners seen on bumper stickers.

· I like you, but I wouldn’t want to see you working with subatomic particles.

· I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die

· If you smoke after sex, you’re doing it too fast.

· Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

· There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.

· I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

· Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

· WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

· You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

· BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore.

· So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!

· I need someone really bad… are you really bad?

· Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

· Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

· To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
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You might have seen a couple of these driving around, but bet there are many that you have not seen before. Here is a nice collection of bumper stickers produced.

· My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that.

· Keep honking while I reload.

· If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy.

· Bad Cop! No Donut!

· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

· It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better

· I love cats … they taste just like chicken.

· I get enough exercise just pushing my luck

· Sorry, I don’t date outside my species

· Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

· Cover me. I’m changing lanes.

· As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

· Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

· Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

· Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.
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Ok, these are not actual Chinese proverbs (I checked), so let’s just call them Hollywood stereotyped Chinese proverbs. (Pretty sure you can imagine Mr Miyagi saying one of these to karate kid!)

Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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“What do I know about sex? I’m a married man.” –Tom Clancy

“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” –Steve Martin

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damned good.” –Woody Allen

“Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” –Unknown

“My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.” –Bill Kelly

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.” –Henry Miller

“The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision.” –Lynn Lavner
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