There are days when you reach beyond what you can bear and snap at work. Instead of saying something completely mundane and unimpactful, here are a few good suggestions of what you can say under those circumstances. If you are gonna crack, might as well make it a good one right?

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.

2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a damn word you’re saying.

10. Ahhhh .. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
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1. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

2. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

3. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and Read the full story »

Feel bored of having to reuse the phrase ‘You’re stupid!’ all the time? Need some new vocabulary? Here are 48 other ways of doing so, while sounding much more refined.

1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
2. A few clowns short of a circus.
3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
5. A few beers short of a six-pack.
6. Dumber than a box of hair.
7. A few peas short of a casserole.
8. Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in one box.
9. The wheel’s spinning, but the hamster’s dead.
10. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
11. One taco short of a combination plate.
12. A few feathers short of a whole duck. Read the full story »