* I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

* I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.

* I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

* I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big weenie or huge boobs.

* I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.

* I’ve learned that you can keep puking long after you think you’re finished.

* I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

* I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.

* I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is?” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, “All right. Get in.”